I have dug myself out of this same pit more times than I’d like to admit and when I finally climb out I find that I was the one holding the shovel.
We have had a couple too many of those lately.
All the conditions are right for everything to go wrong.
Busy schedules
Over-time
Different directions
Children needing attention…food, love a chauffeur and most likely a bath
When this happens in your marriage, and it will, what’s your go-to?
I know what I do by nature…habit…instinct…whatever you want to call it.
I get annoyed.
I find that Adam and I live in two different places in our relationship…..
Happily ever after…….
OR it’s ugly close neighbor….
Overwhelmed, irritated and What in the world are you talking about??
Here’s the thing with being a wife and mom, it’s hard.
Duh.
Right?
We all know it’s gonna be hard, but then we’re surprised when it is.
There are several things I do to sabotage myself, I know.
Firstly, I overcommit. I fill my schedule with so many (worthy) things that there isn’t much left of me at the end of the day.
Can I get a
“Here!”
I know women are notorious for being efficient multi-taskers but I find that when I say “Yes" to too many things that keep me hopping I get thin.
I’m not talking the lean and tone kind 😂.
It’s more of the paper thin, can’t do one more thing, and don’t you even dare ask me to scratch your back.
When my life gets too full… Adam feels like a job.
There.
I said it.
I know you know what I mean. It is so easy to fall into that trap of feeling like your husband is just one more person that needs stuff. It’s a terrible place to be for both of you.
There should be a CAUTION sign here.
STOP!
TURN BACK!
DON’T GO THERE!
It can be so easy as the mom to fall into this mindset of resentment with our husbands.
I know I have thought many times, “For the love….you are a grown man.” Friends, don’t let that creep in on you. Remember how you used to love to do those little things for you guy? Go back to that. I know we get tired and it can feel like another thing on your to-do list but don’t be fooled.
Guard your marriage. Make time. Smile.
Okay, okay.
Moving on….
The next major challenge, communication.
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Ahhhhhhhhhh! again for emphasis.
Sometimes I feel like we are literally speaking different languages.
I used to do this thing when we were first married.
Please tell me you can relate.
Adam would be short with me or what I deemed harsh so I just decided, fine, I won’t speak to him. I mean, I would talk to him, but it was frigid and only the necessities in order to not look like a total childish bride. ;) I don’t know how long I did this but I do remember eventually thinking,
“I don’t think he’s even noticing.”
“He’s probably enjoying the quiet.”
I kid you not. I did this. It was my petty little way of making him feel my disapproval for whatever I didn’t like. I don’t condone this. Looking back I even laugh because it is so ridiculous and funny. I was trying to make him sorry and he didn’t even notice! 😂
Here’s the thing about my guy, and I’m guessing yours too.
He most likely doesn’t have a CLUE what I want if I don't tell him.
I don't say this in some degradation to men! Adam is the legs we stand on and without him I could NOT do the things I do.
I appreciate him.
I respect him.
I love him.
BUT, nonetheless, he has NO idea what I want most of the time.
Now, to his defense, I can be a bit of a moving target.
That silly thing he said or did last week that got a laugh out of me is not funny today.
Today I am tired, people need to eat, the trunk won’t pop, someone just overflowed the toilet and the dishes are dirty.
I used to be waiting for him to just get it.
You know?
See what I needed him to do or say and do it.
Once I said (in frustration), “Can’t you see I’m struggling?”
And do you know what he said?!!!
He said, “Really? It looks like you have got it all together to me.”
Ha!
He was completely serious.
It was just another classic case of miscommunication, lack of communication or even NO communication on my part.
Sometimes as women we learn something, we grow, we have a new way of thinking and then all of a sudden it’s annoying that our guy isn’t on the same page…like husbands have mind reading skills or something.
Imagine if you read a book and it deeply impacts you and now you just expect him to know everything that you learned in the book he didn’t read and probably didn’t even know you read either. 😂
It is a bit unfair.
I feel like I do this.
I develop this habit of not managing realistic expectations. I say nothing and then feel frustrated because we aren’t on the same page.
To make a long story short, friend, just say what you mean.
It has taken me years of marriage to realize that everyone is a lot happier this way. Almost 20 years into this relationship I have to circle back around and remind myself.
Tell your guy how you are feeling and why.
Stop waiting on him to get it and getting mad when he doesn’t.
Try to keep the target in a reasonable range. ;)
In the end, remember how this all began before it was all of you…it was just the two of you!
They are tasting the world and deciding what to chew and swallow and what to chew and spit.