Have you ever had a day that faded into two or three days where you just can’t seem to align yourself with that handsome guy you married?
We have had a couple too many of those lately.
All the conditions have been right for everything to go wrong.
Busy schedules
Over-time
Different directions
Children needing attention…food, love a chauffeur and most likely a bath
When this happens in your marriage, and it will, what’s your go-to?
I know what I do by nature…habit…instinct…whatever you want to call it.
I get annoyed.
I find that Adam and I live in two places in our relationship…..
Happily ever after…….
OR
it’s ugly close neighbor right around the corner….
Overwhelmed, irritated and What in the World are You Talking About??
Here’s the thing with being a wife and mom, it’s hard.
Duh.
This isn’t breaking news is it?
We all know it’s gonna be hard, but then it’s so surprising when it actually is.
I have come to realize there are several things I do to sabotage myself.
Firstly, I overcommit.
I fill my schedule with so many (worthy) things that there isn’t much of me left at the end of the day.
Can I get a “Here!”?!
I know women are notorious for being efficient multi-taskers but I find that when I say “Yes" to too many things that keep me running I get thin.
I’m not talking the lean and tone kind. 😂
It’s more of the paper thin, can’t do one more thing, and don’t you even dare ask me to scratch your back kind.
When my life gets too full… Adam feels like a job.
There.
I said it.
I know you know what I mean because it is so easy to fall into that trap of feeling like your husband is just one more person that needs stuff.
It’s a terrible place to be…for both of you.
There should be a CAUTION sign here.
STOP!
TURN BACK!
DON’T GO THERE!
It can be so easy as the mom to fall into this mindset of resentment with our husbands.
I have even said before, “I can be a really good mom or a really good wife, but it’s tough to be both.”
I have dug myself out of this same pit more times than I’d like to admit and when I finally climb out I find that I was the one holding the shovel!
I know I have thought many times, “For the love….You are a grown man.”
Friends, don’t let that creep in on you.
Remember how you used to love to do those little things for you guy?
Remember when it wasn’t a chore?
Go back to that.
I know we get tired and it can feel like another thing on our to-do list but don’t be fooled.
It’s not just a thing to do.
It is the thing to do.
Guard your marriage.
Make time.
Smile.
Okay, okay.
Preaching to my own heart with all of that.
The next major challenge, communication.
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Ahhhhhhhhhh! again for emphasis.
Sometimes I feel like we are literally speaking different languages.
I used to do this thing when we were first married.
Adam would be short with me or what I deemed harsh so I just decided…
Fine.
I won’t speak to him.
I mean, I would talk to him, but it was frigid and only the necessities in order to not look like a total child bride.
I don’t know how long I did this but I do remember eventually thinking,
“I don’t think he’s even noticing.”
“He’s probably enjoying the quiet.”
Now that is funny.
I kid you not.
I did this.
It was my petty little way of making him feel my disapproval for whatever I didn’t like.
Looking back I laugh because it is so ridiculous.
I was trying to make him sorry and he didn’t even notice! 😂
Here’s the thing about my guy, (and I’m guessing yours too)…
He usually doesn’t have a CLUE what I want if I don't tell him.
For real.
I don't say this in some demeaning way to men.
Adam is the legs we stand on and without him I could NOT do the things I do.
I appreciate him.
I respect him.
I love him.
BUT, nonetheless, he has NO idea what I want most of the time.
Now, to his defense, I can be a bit of a moving target.
Poor guy.
I have found that his expectations are pretty consistent, but mine…not so much.
That silly thing he said or did last week that got a laugh out of me is not funny today.
Today I am tired, people need to eat, the trunk won’t pop, someone just overflowed the toilet and the dishes are dirty.
I used to be waiting for him to just get it.
You know?
I thought he would just see what I needed him to do or say and do it.
Once I said (in frustration), “Can’t you see I’m struggling?”
And do you know what he said?
He said, “Really? It looks like you have got it all together to me.”
Ha!
He was completely serious.
From where he was standing I looked capable, competent and like a girl making it happen.
Where I was standing I felt like a duck in the water. Everything looked calm up top, but those feet were going 90 mph under the surface.
It was just another classic case of miscommunication, lack of communication or even NO communication (and mostly on my part).
Sometimes as women we learn something, we grow, we have a new way of thinking and then all of a sudden it’s annoying that our guy isn’t on the same page.
Imagine if you read a book and it deeply impacts you and now you just expect him to know everything that you learned in the book he didn’t read and probably didn’t know you read either. 😂
It is a bit unfair.
I tend to develop this habit of not managing realistic expectations.
I say nothing and then feel frustrated because we aren’t on the same page.
To make a long story short, friend, just say what you mean.
It has taken me years of marriage to realize that everyone is a lot happier this way. Almost 20 years into this relationship and I still have to circle back around and remind myself.
You know that famous movie quote,
“Someone’s gotta tell him. I’m gonna tell him.”
This applies.
Just tell him.
Tell him how you are feeling and why.
Stop waiting on him to get it and getting mad when he doesn’t.
Try to keep the target in a reasonable range. ;)
In the end, remember how this all began.
Before it was all of you…it was just the two of you!
Love the one you're with.
<3 Susan